Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
