the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
