She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
