DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
