3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
