he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
