i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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