When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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