I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
