if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You dont lie about slip and slides
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
