Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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