ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
