We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
