Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
