so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
