Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
