i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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