Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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