I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
