he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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