I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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