Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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