I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
