he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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