Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
