she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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