How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
