this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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