I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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