20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I want her autograph on my taint
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
