My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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