You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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