Where did you get a picture of my penis
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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