my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
