you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
