dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
