quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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