Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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