just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
