I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
