I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
