piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
