and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
