**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
