my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
