Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
