I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
