They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize