return my video game
I wish I could teleport
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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