I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
