When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
