His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I came so hard my ears popped.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
