i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
