Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
did i just pee glitter
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
