**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
