But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
