Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
