I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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