This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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