VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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