God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
