So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize