Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have already put on my inside pants.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
