i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
