I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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