I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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