it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
