How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
