We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
