Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
