I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize