the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
