im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
