Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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