Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
