I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize