i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
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