I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
did i just pee glitter
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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