franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
