hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
