Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
