I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
