Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
