You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Someone shit on the floor
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
