I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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