I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
