I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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