Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
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