this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
