I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
