SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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