I accidentally had phone sex last night
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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