she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
