We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We need to rekindle our bromance
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
