just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i think i have herpe
just one?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
