I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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