Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize