You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
