My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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