You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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