True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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