I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
