I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
