Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
