I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
