omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
