My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
