and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
